Friday, February 12, 2016

Slander without Borders

If you don't know what Cockney rhyming slang is, you best educate yourself by clicking on the link. It might just be the most fun you had since the last time you got lemonade.

Basically, it's when you rhyme a thing with something else and then use it to make subtle jokes, wise cracks and often offensive comments. For an extra level of obtuse, drop the rhyming part of a two-part reference. Of course, names are great for this.

Since it's election season, I thought I'd do a little set on American politicians. Who else are such great caricatures of themselves, such easy fun to poke? Also, by belittling and insulting a select set of these I can further the liberal agenda of my little soapbox here.

Call it poetic justice or dumb luck, but one side just has such better rhymes than the other.

So, without further ado:

Donkeys and affiliated
Al Gore -- "Shut the front Al will you?"
Barack Obama -- "I'm gonna go put me Baracks on and get into bed"
Bernie Sanders -- "Protect the forests! Save the Bernies!"


Elephants and affiliated
Colin Powell -- "I'm done with this, time to throw in the Colin"
                     -- "Wonder what I ate wrong, got me an aching in my Colins"
(super neat homonym+rhyme!)

Condoleezza Rice -- "Craps is my game, I roll the Condoleezzas"
                              -- "Those damn Condoleezzas been getting to my cheese again, time to put out the traps"
                              -- "My scalp's been itching badly, I wonder if I might have Condoleezzas"

Donald Trump -- "Lookin a bit Donald these days, mate! You been eating well or what?"
                         -- "Had the best Donald of my life this morning after starting my high fibre diet"
(Unfortunately, Mr Trump shares his first name with Mr Duck, so you have to be quite careful about being clear who you mean...though it's mostly just as funny both ways)

George W Bush -- "A bird in the hand is worth two in the George W"
                           -- "If you trim the ol George W, it'll make the tree look bigger and the flowers smell sweeter"
(yeah, I know, but Bush is such a good name. Jeb, of course, is from the same family, and has a slightly different ring if you're so inclined)
                           -- "The ol Jeb's getting a little out of hand"

Rand Paul -- "Way to drop the Rand there"
                  -- "Don't scratch your Rands in public, that's just rude!"
Ted Cruz -- "Fell down today and got the biggest Ted on my arse"
                -- "He's got a few Teds loose somewhere"

Please feel free to use these in your everyday conversation, and please tell me if you think up any good ones!